


Into the Memory

by Animad345



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Amnesia, M/M, Post-Canon, Repressed Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 19,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21803734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animad345/pseuds/Animad345
Summary: Jack Frost was raised by the Guardians, who took him in shortly after the defeat of the Nightmare King. For Jack, this is the only life he has ever known, but the children still do not believe in him and the Man in the Moon has not chosen him. Now a cynical twenty-year-old, he is drawn to the past, longing to hear the other side of the story of the Great Battle. Who is the Nightmare King, really? And is he the only one who truly understands how Jack feels?
Relationships: Jack Frost/Pitch Black
Comments: 5
Kudos: 197





	1. Chapter 1

Jack Frost had just turned twenty, yet he felt that he didn’t know anything about who he was, or the world he lived in. As for his past – all he knew was that the Guardians had found him, an abandoned baby, shortly after the Great Battle. The Nightmare King had threatened to destroy everything that the Guardians held dear, but had not succeeded. Toothiana had remarked many times that finding Jack had felt like a sign that everything was going to be alright now. Jack had signified the emergence of a new world.

Yes, they were the Guardians for the children of the world, but to Jack they were his guardians in the traditional sense. Toothiana was a mother figure, nurturing and kind, attentive and observant. Nicholas St. North was like a grandfather, though Jack knew that most grandfathers weren't covered in tattoos, nor did they wield swords for that matter. The children of the earth just weren't that lucky. As for E Aster Bunnymunde, he was the fun, occasionally stern uncle that sometimes allowed Jack to jump through holes to magical, unknown places, but always with the caveat that he stayed safe. Sanderson always hovered in the background, a mute yet comforting presence, one that didn't need to be in the room to be felt. Jack called them Tooth, North, Bunny and Sandy as affectionate nicknames, but he thought of them with the respectful titles that they deserved.

They had always been overprotective, but he didn’t blame them. It hadn’t been until his late teens that they had felt comfortable with him taking his staff and travelling over the world, creating snow storms wherever he went. Despite the teachings and guidance of the Guardians, the children still did not believe in Jack Frost.

The Man in the Moon had not chosen Jack as a Guardian, and it didn’t look like he ever would. The staff had been a gift, which allowed him to control his ice powers. Where did he come from? Why had he been abandoned? Why would the moon bequeath Jack with such a special gift, allow him to be found by the Guardians, but not let Jack take his place beside them? He might never know.

These days, he spent a lot of time thinking about the Nightmare King. Jack had never met the man, but he knew all about what had happened, how children had once believed in him and that this had been taken away twice. Maybe the man understood a little of what Jack was feeling, but at least he had felt a taste of what it was like to be seen and heard. Jack didn’t even have that.

He wanted to meet the Nightmare King. He wanted the other side of the story to what had happened. 

If Jack could understand, truly understand what had happened before, maybe he would learn a lesson. Maybe the Man in the Moon would recognise that Jack had matured, maybe he would be granted his guardianship. He would be able to move on towards his future.

Or, he would be utterly destroyed. But this had tortured him for long enough and he knew what he had to do.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack was nothing if not persistent. He searched and searched until he found something interesting. In the centre of a forest, there were the broken remains of a wooden bed frame. Below it, a hole which had hastily been covered over. He thwacked his staff down again and again, not making much purchase. But he carried on and on, his frustration building, until it began to fall away.

He scrunched his eyes shut and jumped down. The journey went on for longer than he had expected. He was filled with nausea and bile rose up in his throat. What if it went on forever? What if he was stuck in some kind of loop? Just when he was properly entertaining the idea, he hit the ground. After a minute of mute shock, he got to his feet.

All around him was darkness.

Jack felt the presence behind him, and turned around. There was a dark shadow against the wall, which quickly disappeared. He felt himself being dragged down, he fell down a flight of stairs, and then landed on his feet. Should he say something? That he came in peace?

“I’m Jack Frost,” he said. There was a period of silence, then the shadow on the wall reappeared. Soft laughter echoed around him, but it was not out of amusement. It was bitter and it made Jack’s blood run colder than it already was.

“Yes, I haven’t forgotten,” said the voice. The shadow flitted back and forth. There it was at the back of the wall, then on the ground beneath him, then looming over him.

“Please,” said Jack. “Let me see you.”

“Why?” snapped the voice. “So you can see all of the damage that you have inflicted?”

Jack spun around, holding his staff more tightly. He stopped when he saw the shadow stretching out across the ground. The Nightmare King was only a couple of metres in front of him. His hair was dark and slicked back and his eyes were a peculiar golden colour. He was tall and thin, with a dark robe covering his entire body.

He appeared weary, wary. For a moment, there was sheer hatred in those narrowing eyes, such animosity that Jack nearly took a step back.

“Why are you here, Jack?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

More bitter laughter. “I have no desire for your company.”

“I know,” said Jack. “And I don’t mean to bother you. I just… I thought you were the only one who would understand. Who’d know what it’s like to not be believed in.”

Before he could move a muscle, speak another word, his arms were bound behind his back. Then, a blindfold covered his eyes and he was forced on to his knees.

“You dare to come here and mock me,” snarled the Nightmare King. “And you would do so in my lair. Perhaps becoming a Guardian made you lose all common sense. That wouldn’t surprise me.”

“I’m not a Guardian,” said Jack, resisting his bonds. He couldn’t stand not being able to see.

“What was that?”

“I’m not… the Man in the Moon never chose me… I’m… please let me see!”

The blindfold crumbled away, but the ties on his arms tightened and he still couldn’t get up. He remained on his knees before the Nightmare King, like a loyal subject, in a perverse parody of respect.

“You’re not Jack,” said the Nightmare King. “You must be some kind of…” His eyes closed. “I don’t know what you are.”

Jack frowned. The Nightmare King was trying to mess with his head, but that should have been expected. Jack hadn't anticipated a cosy, intimate chat, but he hadn't really imagined the alternative either.

“No, that’s not true. I’m Jack Frost. I am.”

“Do you remember me?”

“I’ve never met you.”

The Nightmare King stared down at Jack for a long time. Jack felt his restraints falling away and he stood up quickly. He waited for a response, quailing in the quietness.

“Jack,” said the Nightmare King finally, making Jack start with the suddenness, the noise after so much silence. “What is your earliest memory?”

It was a hard question. Jack’s memories of his childhood were mangled, unclear. “I don’t remember all that far back,” he admitted, feeling foolish. “But I suppose it would be when I created snow for the first time.” Then, trying to lighten the mood, “What about yours?”

The Nightmare King didn’t dignify that with a response.

“Fine, don’t answer that. But what’s your name?” 

This time the silence was almost unbearable. He heard the Nightmare King sigh and watched as strands of sand began to fill the air, twisting into the formation of a horse. The horse huffed and ran around in a circle before settling beside the Nightmare King, who absent-mindedly touched its head.

“Pitch,” said the Nightmare King finally.

“Can I call you that, or do you only go by His Majesty?”

The Nightmare King made a noise at the back of his throat, which sounded like a suppressed laugh, but Jack wouldn’t swear on it. “I’d rather you not call me either, considering that you are going to leave now, and not come back.”

“But I – ”

A dark tunnel fell around Jack, except he was being pulled upwards this time, and then he was splintering through the earth. He resurfaced in the forest, and found that the hole under him had been covered, properly this time. The wooden shards were gone.

His heart was racing. “You can’t get rid of me that easily,” he said loudly, wondering if Pitch could hear him or not.

He cursed himself for not preparing himself properly, for not firing questions whilst he could, for not finding a way to get through to the Nightmare King.

“I’m coming back, Pitch. You can’t keep me away.”

And then he heard a voice in his head, low and rumbling, and he didn’t know if it was real or if it was due to the rather hard smack to the head he had been given as he rose back to earth.

“If you dwell on the past, it will destroy you, Jack. But I can’t pretend that I wouldn’t enjoy it.”


	3. Chapter 3

Jack was lying flat in a meadow, conjuring snowflakes above his head. Baby Tooth was hovering around him. For some reason, out of all the miniature fairies that followed Tooth around, Baby Tooth had an attachment to Jack. He’d asked Tooth about that before, but her answer had been vague. Still, it was nice to have company when he was feeling lonely.  


“What should I do, Baby Tooth?” asked Jack rhetorically. It was probably for the best that Baby Tooth couldn’t talk, because he would be receiving a real lecture right now, but Jack sighed at the silence. Truthfully, Jack wasn’t sure how much Baby Tooth actually understood, but he knew that she wouldn’t tell Tooth about what he had done. “I want to see him again.” 

But why? He knew that it was best for him to talk to his guardians, but he’d tried before, and they had all been evasive. He wasn’t a kid any more and Pitch seemed to be the only one that recognised this.

The words that Pitch had spoken, about the truth destroying him, continued to echo in his ear.

This was as good a warning as any, but Jack couldn’t stop thinking about the Nightmare King. Did he really know something that Jack didn’t, or was he bluffing? Either way, Jack had to find another way to get in. Surely if there was a way to get out, but…

Could Pitch leave his lair, or had the Guardians trapped him entirely? The end of the story had been conveniently left out. He only knew that Pitch had been defeated and betrayed by his own nightmares, but he didn’t know if there was a spell keeping him there, or if it was assumed that the Nightmare King wouldn’t even dare to make a return.  


Jack wasn’t going to get any answers without action.

So he returned to the forest that he had resurfaced in and marvelled that there was now a bed there. It must have some degree of significance – was it Pitch inviting him in? Jack sat on the bed, thinking. He used his staff and broke the thin wood underneath, revealing the hole. Was it really going to be this easy? Of course, it had to be a trap, but Pitch hadn’t laid a hand on him last time and Jack didn’t anticipate danger. He watched as more dirt fell away into the hole.

Before he could descend, the air around him was filled by black sand. Within seconds he was covered and bundled away, then swirled around before he hit the ground, harder than last time. Except he hadn’t been completely released, and the shadows had surrounded him, keeping him fixed to the spot. His staff was in suspension just out of his reach.

“Did I not make myself clear last time?” snarled Pitch, standing right in front of him, close enough to touch.

“You did,” coughed Jack. “But I’m not giving up.”

“How about you talk to the Guardians and explain your woes? There’s no need for you to hassle me quite so persistently.”

“But they won’t tell me, I know they won’t. They're my family, I know them better than anyone else."

The mention of family had a surprising effect on Pitch. He closed off for a moment, his eyes narrowing, and then his expression went back to normal as though nothing had happened at all. "Is that so? And how does that work, exactly?"

"They took me in when I was a baby. They raised me." Jack paused, watching as Pitch took all of this in. "You have to explain what you meant last time.”

“No, I do not.”

“I’m begging you.”

“I’m not sure you understand what the word means.”

“Do you want me to beg?”

The Nightmare King sighed heavily. “There are few things I want less. Tell me, Jack Frost. Would you rather learn the truth from the Guardians who supposedly know and love you, or a man who despises you to your very centre?”

“You despise me? I haven't done anything to you!”

Pitch ignored this comment. He was wearing a strange look, something flashing in those golden eyes. "Funny," he said, as if to himself. "The Guardians weren't always so forgiving of you. But I suppose, taking on a parental role would be different. Unconditional." He looked away from Jack. “Don’t believe that it gives me any kind of satisfaction to shatter your illusions.” He frowned. “It should do, really. Causing them pain. Causing you pain. But it’s true that this current incarnation of yourself has done nothing against me.”

“Tell me. Please.”

“You were there the night that I was defeated, as a Guardian. In fact, if it wasn't for you, I might have..." Pitch's lip curled. "You were here on this earth long before then.”

“But I’m twenty.”

“You’re at least three-hundred years older than that.”

Ridiculous. That was old. Like North old. “But I don’t remember.”

“I don’t know what happened to your memories, Jack.”

“You’re telling me that everyone’s been lying to me.”

“You can’t say that I didn’t warn you.”

The calmness that had settled inside Jack was disturbing. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t feel the emotions that he should, that the betrayal of it wasn't stinging him. But then, Pitch could be lying. Jack knew that his guardians would never do anything to hurt him, but he was also deeply sheltered. He had always sensed that the truth was being kept from him, yet he didn’t know if he could handle whatever it was they were keeping secret. His gratefulness towards them had often overpowered his curiosity.

But how could he possibly have been a Guardian? What on earth had he done wrong for the Man in the Moon to have taken that away from him? A deep resentment began to brew within Jack.

“How do I know that you’re telling the truth?” he demanded.

“You don’t,” said Pitch dryly. “Well? Satisfied?”

Jack shook his head.

“I didn’t think you would be. Will you leave me in peace now?”

Was it really peace? Jack couldn't imagine being trapped under the earth. The very thought of being kept away from the air and wind made him claustrophobic. Even the short time he had spent in Pitch's lair made him long for the outside world.

At least he was wise enough not to voice these ponderings.

“You can’t just tell me that and expect me to go. Why did you put the bed there? You were basically inviting me back.”

“Hardly. Rather, I suspected that you were going to become a thorn in my side and find every way you could to get in. You’d succeed, eventually. I wanted to make sure I knew if you tried to return.”

“So there are other ways to get in.”

“Jack,” said Pitch, and the shadows unfurled, allowing Jack to move again. He picked up his staff immediately. Not holding it had been like losing a limb. “Do you really think that I owe you anything?”

“I could give you something in return.”

“There’s nothing you have that I want.”

Jack swallowed hard, looking at his staff. No, he couldn’t offer that. The guardians would never forgive him if Pitch harnessed it against them. Jack could bring something terrible to the world, hurting the very children that he wished would believe in him. Sometimes, when he was making fun for the children and they shrieked around, playing, sometimes running right into him without knowing, he felt angry towards them. But he’d never want anything to harm them. He knew that none of this was their fault, that his feelings were misplaced and irrational.

“I broke that once.” Jack raised his head. Pitch was glaring at him, pointing at the staff. “Can you see the weakness in the middle? I snapped it in half. Hoped it would kill you.”

Jack tried to imagine the scenario, but he couldn’t. He’d never been in true danger in his entire life thus far.

“But you don’t want to kill me now.”

“You’re not who you were.” Pitch raked a hand through his dark hair. He was pensive, and Jack waited for the shadows to bind him again, for some sort of act of aggression, to be returned to the earth. But it didn’t happen. “You would be willing to offer up your powers?”

“It’s not that simple. I don’t think anyone else could use my staff.”

“No. But you could do it for me.”

Did Jack have anything else to give but this? He couldn't stand the conflict in his mind, the pain. He needed to know the full story. But still, he should at least take longer to consider. He should go to the Guardians a thousand more times before he resorted to arrangements with the Nightmare King himself. Pitch would use him and discard him, likely poison him from the inside out. Despite the short time that they had spent together, Pitch's bitterness and fury was already seeping into Jack's soul. He could feel it.

“Yes,” said Jack, the single word ringing out, echoing around Pitch's lair. “I could. If I agree to do that, will you tell me everything?”

Pitch nodded, his eyes burning like coals.

Jack thought about the guardians. He imagined their disappointment, he envisaged the hurt in their eyes if he told them what had happened, if they could see him right now.  


But he also thought about trapped memories, about being denied answers, about being shrouded in a secrecy that he couldn’t understand.

“It’s a deal,” he said.


	4. Chapter 4

Jack rubbed his shoulder, careful not to touch the actual wound, to only comfort the skin around it. The damn thing still hurt. After he had agreed to Pitch’s request, Pitch had decided to give Jack an object which would allow him to return to the lair as often as he wanted. Pitch had suggested something that Jack could keep on his person – a chain, a ring, something encircling his wrist, but Jack couldn’t risk the Guardians seeing it. Neither of them wanted to suggest something he could wear on the parts hidden beneath his clothes.

Pitch had even offered to modify Jack’s staff, but Jack couldn’t allow that. It wasn’t worth the risk.

Eventually, Pitch had run out of suggestions, and…

Had that really happened? Yes, it had. Pitch had actually bitten him. 

Pitch must have got sick about Jack rejecting everything, because he had simply reached over, pulled the collar of Jack’s hoodie aside, and sunk his teeth into Jack’s shoulder.  


Jack had anticipated that fury would overwhelm him, that he would retaliate, but he was far too distracted by the shock and discomfort. Pitch could have at least asked permission. Jack had quickly scoffed at his own foolishness. As if the Nightmare King believed in niceties. As if Jack should expect them.

“Was that really the only option?” Jack had hissed, after getting his bearings back. All he could think of was that at least no one would be able to see the mark, but that wasn’t exactly an excuse.

“I gave you plenty of other options. A mark on your body was a last resort. Resist touching it, unless you have given some degree of thought to coming back to me. It isn’t a case of just believing or wishing to arrive. You won’t have any control over it if you touch it.”

Coming back to Pitch? It sounded strangely domestic. Jack shook his head to bat away that thought.

Jack was surprised that Pitch hadn’t laid down any rules immediately, but then he was probably still sceptical of Jack’s offer, and hadn’t thought it through himself. Jack got the feeling that this pact was against Pitch’s better judgement, but that it was too good an opportunity to not take up.

The more Jack thought about it, the more he realised that if he had even an ounce of common sense, he would have gone back on their pact immediately. And the guilt that had evaded him so far was now weighing him down.

He had to visit his guardians soon. He’d often drop in on each of them, quite literally with his staff – there was rarely time for all of them to get together in one place, with their perpetual busyness – but he had neglected this duty as of late. It now occurred to him that it had been wise for them to be overprotective, that him meeting with the Nightmare King proved their fears. That said, it was circular. If they hadn’t been so adamant about hiding the truth from him, this probably would never have happened.

The events of the last couple of days had drained Jack, and he knew how to cure that.

One of Jack’s favourite places in the world was Antarctica, for reasons that weren’t exactly difficult to decipher. He knew that he didn’t have a body like humans did, one that needed to carefully regulate temperature, but he responded well to the sheer cold. He’d heard that many humans liked a hot bath – well, this was his equivalent. He could fully relax.

Of course, it had become even more intriguing when he discovered the monument. An enormous, spiky statue of black and white. Sometimes, he lay down underneath its shadow, and that was exactly what he was doing right now.

For some reason, Baby Tooth never accompanied him there. She seemed almost scared to.

It was getting dark, slowly, but then it went completely pitch black. He should’ve anticipated what would follow, but he still jumped when he saw Pitch, standing a little while away.

“Why are you here?” Pitch growled.

“This is my place. Nowhere colder on earth.” So, it turned out Pitch could leave his lair. Not only that, but this was something of a private place for him, and he didn’t wish to be disturbed.

“I don’t understand,” said Jack. “I should’ve seen you here before."

“I’ve not come here for a long time. I was feeling somewhat… nostalgic.”

“Because of me?”

No response.

“Do you know about this?” Jack motioned to the monument.

“Yes,” said Pitch, in a tone that very much implied this was the end of the discussion.

“You agreed to tell me everything.”

“You haven’t given me anything in return for my information yet, so don’t get ideas above your station. I came here for solitude, and I find you here.”

Jack scowled. “The bite still hurts. I take it you’re not going to apologise for that.”

“I suppose you’d rather that I’d sent you away and ordered you to scour the entire earth to find a way back in? I think you’re whining about nothing. You got away lightly.”

“This is lightly?” Jack revealed the bite.

Pitch’s eyes widened just a fraction. “Perhaps deeper than I thought. You can’t blame me though, Jack. You can’t pretend that you’ve not done anything wrong.”

The whiplash was irritating Jack. Before, Pitch had been successfully separating the Jack that he had (supposedly) known, to the Jack that he was only now meeting. Now, Jack sensed that the lines were blurring.

“You already admitted that you don’t have anything against who I am now. I’m not him.”

“Of course you are. You have the same face, the same voice, the same form. You’re less of a contrary nuisance, but you act just as bratty as him at times. You should have accepted my offer, Jack. You wouldn’t be in this position if you had.”

“I did accept your offer. I wouldn’t have this bloody bite if I hadn’t.”

“That isn’t what I meant.” Pitch glared at the monument. “You and I made this, you know.”

“Why? How?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Jack huffed his frustration. “Were we ever friends?”

“No. The time we interacted with each other altogether would probably not even add up to an hour, and it took place in a matter of days. I knew of you, though. Jack Frost. Causing snowstorms and mischief wherever you went. I didn’t much care.” Then, he gave a smile, which startled Jack. He had decided that the Nightmare King probably never smiled, considering he traded in fear. It was a cruel twist of the lips, but it was still there. Pitch flashed his teeth for a moment, and Jack saw that there was one missing. Odd. “Actually, that’s untrue. There was the Easter that you ruined by sending an almighty storm. Bunnymund was furious. That gave me a good laugh.”

Jack stared. Poor Bunny. 

“Don’t look so down. I’m sure you found it funny at the time.”

Jack drew circles in the snow, thinking. “That’s the sort of person that I was?”

"Harmless," said Pitch, shrugging it off.

"Fine," said Jack, sighing. "But you... you were saying that you made some sort of offer to me before."

Pitch regarded him. "Yes. I asked you to join me, to create a new world with me."

"Why?"

And now Pitch was smiling again, but there was malice in it. "What goes together better than cold and dark?"

The words were like a punch in the gut. Jack's vision blurred. Where had he heard that before? No, he couldn't have. None of the guardians would have ever said such a thing to him, and there wasn't anyone else he was able to interact with in this world. Except Pitch. He felt boneless, strength leaving his body as his brain worked on overdrive to explain what was happening. His eyes shut and wouldn't open. In his panic, his limbs flailed, but to no avail. He was tired, so very tired. He felt himself sinking into the snow, as though it would swallow him up. As he lost consciousness, the ominous words continued to echo in his mind.


	5. Chapter 5

Jack’s spell of unconsciousness only lasted a few moments. When he opened his eyes, Pitch was by his side. It was almost comical to see the Nightmare King on his knees on the ground, his grey hands sinking deep into the snow. There was genuine concern and remorse in Pitch's face. For a moment, Jack enjoyed being fussed over. He wanted to make a cheeky 'you do care' comment, but he felt that this wouldn't be wise.

“I’m sorry, Jack,” said Pitch, the apology sincere. “I should choose my words more carefully. I just didn’t think…” He frowned. “Perhaps there is a way to get your memories back. Perhaps talking about it, pushing it, could do the trick. Of course, that wouldn’t be in my best interest.”

“Why not?”

“If you remember everything that happened, you will hate me, and you won’t want to offer up your powers anymore.”

“Are you reneging on our deal?”

“It’s likely for the best.”

“No. You can’t do that. You can’t just stop me from coming to see you.”

“True. I can’t get rid of that bite.” Then, Pitch sighed heavily. “You don’t have many friends, do you, Jack? Otherwise you wouldn't be quite so eager about all of this.”

“I don’t have any friends,” admitted Jack, the shame of it overwhelming him.

“The Guardians – ”

“Are my family. There’s a difference.”

“And what would your family say if they could see you right now, with me?”

Jack shrugged.

Pitch opened his mouth, seemed to think better of it, then fell silent. After a while, “You’re not actually scared of them finding out at all. Unbelievable."

“They wouldn’t be thrilled, but they would forgive me.”

Jack would be telling himself this again and again in the following days.

"I see," Pitch had replied. His expression was unreadable, but Jack sensed a deep melancholy in Pitch's words. Was Pitch jealous? Was it possible that even the Nightmare King himself longed for a family? "I shall leave you to it. I suppose this is your natural territory, not mine."

"That's OK," said Jack hastily. He hadn't meant to drive Pitch away. "I'll go, you stay."

But there were already shadows surrounding the air and Pitch appeared to melt away, his eyes the last features to disappear.

Jack paced around the monument, trying to calm his racing thoughts.

Logic told him that when he was scared and unsure, he always went to one of his guardians. But his conscience was throbbing and he didn't know if he could keep his mouth shut, or if his guilt would send the incriminating words tumbling out.

No, he couldn't avoid them forever, especially his mother figure.

The truth was that if he ever wanted to feel special, wanted and loved, then he would meet with Tooth. Regardless of circumstance, she always looked thrilled to see him, like he was the most important person in the world.

He'd held out his staff and allowed the wind to carry him, higher, higher. When he touched down, he took Tooth by surprise, and sent several of her fairies flying into the air in shock.

"Jack," cried Tooth. She hugged him and ruffled his hair. “You don’t normally come here these days, unless there’s something worrying you." She smiled as if to show that she wasn’t hurt by Jack’s absence, or him dropping by when it was convenient and not for the sake of it. 

“Nothing's wrong,” said Jack, grinning. He put the image of Pitch fading away before his eyes out of his mind. “I was wondering if you needed any help with the night shift, that’s all.”

“Now that brings back good memories,” said Tooth, her wings beating fast. She was about to say more, a lovely expression brightening up her face, but then she stopped.

“What do you mean?” asked Jack. “I’ve never helped you with that before.”

Tooth's face fell. “No, of course not. I must have got confused. Just ignore me, Jack. You know what I’m like!” It was true that Tooth’s vivaciousness sometimes translated to slight dizziness, but that wasn't the case here. If this had happened a mere few days before, Jack would have thought nothing of it, but he now knew that this was a lie.

“Tell you what, Jack. You don’t need to help out tonight – my fairies will be upset if they think the job is being taken from them. How about you and I spend time together instead?”

“I can’t think of anything better right now.”

Baby Tooth floated around them, chastising noises coming out of her mouth. Jack had no doubt that she was instructing him to tell Tooth the truth, but he just couldn’t do that.  


“I have an idea,” said Jack. Baby Tooth nodded approvingly, misunderstanding. “We should have a family reunion.” He couldn't bring himself to look at Baby Tooth and see her disappointment.

“Yes,” said Tooth. “I’m sure that’ll do us all some good. You’ll have to arrange it though, Jack. I’m too tied up here.”

Tooth hadn't intended it, but her words hurt. Jack wasn’t subjected to the constant chores that the Big Four were, which really should have been one of the perks of not being a Guardian, but it left him meandering. He drifted the world aimlessly - that, the feeling that this life was essentially meaningless, was what had started this whole mess, after all. These days, he could barely stand to look at the Man in the Moon. He was scared of his own rage. Once, he had gazed up at the sky. Now, he kept his head down.

"I'll get right on that," said Jack, hoping that the task would do him some good. He needed to see everyone and to remind himself that he wasn't actually alone.

But he was still thinking about what Pitch had said.

Did he actually want his memories back, or would it wreck everything precious in his entire world? He had thought that settling with the past would lead him to the future, yet it seemed matters were far more complicated than he had anticipated. He didn't understand what he had got himself into, but he knew that it was his responsibility to get himself out of it.

And as Bunny often said, the only way out was through. Admittedly, he would only say this before jumping into one of his holes, but the principal was the same.


	6. Chapter 6

Jack was putting his task off. All he could think about was that he had to see Pitch. He hated himself for becoming so attached to the Nightmare King in such a short period of time, and Pitch had even addressed Jack’s slight desperation now. Jack considered waiting for a couple of weeks this time to prove Pitch wrong, but he couldn’t.

After this he would visit his other guardians, Jack promised to himself.

When he pressed his palm to the bite on his neck, he was transported immediately. He landed on his feet, to find Pitch before him, sat on a throne.

“Hello, Jack,” he said. 

“You actually have a throne." Jack considered making a joke, but Pitch looked very natural sat there.

“I meant what I said. I am sorry about the other day.” Pitch stood up in a smooth, fluid movement. “You waited a little while to come this time. I thought you might be angry with me.”

Jack shook his head.

“And what do you want today, Jack?”

“I don’t know. It depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether you’ve pulled out of our deal or not.”

Pitch sighed. “I don’t think it’s good for you.” Then, "Not that I particularly care, but if you're emotionally broken then I doubt you'll be able to harness your powers for me."

“Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?" said Jack, ignoring the deflection. "Besides, you still haven’t got anything in return. That’s what you said.”

“I could take something. Something only you can give me, Jack.”

“And what would that be?” Jack asked, his curiosity peaked.

Pitch came closer and then his hand was resting lightly against Jack’s neck. Threatening, and yet Jack didn’t feel afraid. Pitch’s touch was warm.

He was close, so close.

“You can tell me what you’re afraid of.”

The tension in Jack’s shoulders disappeared, but he also felt strangely disappointed. He didn’t want to delve into those thoughts too deeply, but he had expected, perhaps wanted… no, don't think it, don't think it.

“Aren’t you supposed to know anyway?” The words 'it's the one thing I always know' whispered into his ears and he shook his head.

“Once upon a time, I would have. But not anymore, not since – ”

“The Great Battle,” finished Jack. What a punishment, to restrict the Nightmare King's Moon-given power.

Pitch drew away, his face thunderous. “Is that what they are calling it now? How very arrogant.”

Jack avoided Pitch’s gaze, finally asking the question he had been wanting to for so long. Pitch was already rattled, so this was really the ideal time. The rare moments of calm they had shared were precious. Better to irritate him when he was already in that state anyway. “Don’t you get lonely down here?”

“But I’m not alone, Jack. I have my nightmares.”

On cue, sand descended, and the figure of a horse came together. Jack decided immediately that this was the same horse Pitch had conjured the first time Jack had entered the lair, but there wasn’t a way of telling. The horse’s form was made of shadows, after all, without the distinguishing marks that a real horse would have.

“I thought they turned against you,” whispered Jack. He hadn’t questioned it the first time this had happened, but at that point he had been bound and had his livelihood to worry about rather than logic to question.

“What? At the end of the Great Battle?” said Pitch, the last two words mockingly. “Yes, I suppose so. Have you seen horses much in the real world, Jack?”

“Not much.” Actually, Jack had always been quite perturbed by them.

“They need to be tamed. And that’s what I did. They were mine first, after all. I created them.”

Something occurred to Jack and he burst out laughing. Pitch surveyed him quizzically.

“Nightmares. Of course. I didn’t think you’d have that kind of sense of humour.” He could barely get the words out through his laughter. “I suppose they’re all female, then?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” replied Pitch, but there was a gleam in his eyes, a silent acknowledgement of the joke. The mare that had been by Pitch's side came forwards and began to circle Jack. Instinctively, Jack held up his staff.

“Calm down,” said Pitch. “She’s merely puzzled that she cannot smell your fear.”

“What if I don’t have any fear?”

Pitch sat back down on his throne, running a hand through his hair. When it became apparent that he wasn’t going to answer, Jack reached his hand out to the mare. She snorted, but sat down. Jack stroked her head gently.

“How are the Guardians?” 

Jack frowned, looking back at Pitch. “Why would you care? I figured you’d only be happy if they were all miserable and defeated, which you know is not the case.”

“I was curious as to whether you’ve seen any of them lately, if you’ve been able to keep our meetings secret. Or if you’ve told them and they’ve instantly forgiven you.” Pitch still seemed inexplicably puzzled and annoyed over what Jack had said at Antarctica.

“I saw Tooth recently,” said Jack. “I think she might have lied to me.”

“What is the nature of your relationship with Tooth?”

“Well… I suppose she’s sort of like a mother.”

Pitch shook his head. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt remotely sorry for Toothiana. She’s potentially the most annoying being I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting – I can’t stand people that are blindly optimistic.”

Typically, Jack would leap to defend Tooth, but it wasn't really an insult in his opinion. If those with a positive outlook irked Pitch, then that was his problem.

“Instead of making vague statements, maybe you could just tell me what you mean.”

“Becoming impatient, are we?” Jack suspected that Pitch would continue to withhold for as long as possible just to taunt Jack, but it seemed Pitch couldn’t wait. “Her, having to be a mother figure, when she had designs on you.”

It was an old-fashioned phrase. Though he didn’t come across as the bookish type, Jack often hung out in libraries. The downside was that he couldn’t make any snow when inside, but it was a way of watching humans and reading about their histories. He was quite fascinated with the past, likely because he knew nothing of his own.

It took a few moments for Jack to be sure that he understood what Pitch meant, and when he did, a sickness filled him.

“That’s not true,” he said. “It’s not.”

“Come now, Jack. Don’t be so immature. These feelings are natural, after all. You weren’t a baby when you met her. Personally, I think she had a crush on you for a long time before you met.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“You were the one that asked for information, and yet you complain when I give it to you.”

“That’s not what I want to know.”

“You haven’t made it plain what you want to know. By all means, write a list. But of course, you wouldn’t know what to ask.”

Jack’s hand tightened around his staff. What had he got himself into? What had he done?

“Jack,” said Pitch, standing up again.

“I’ve got to go.” Jack wanted to look directly at Pitch to show that he wasn’t a complete wimp, that he was fine, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

Before Pitch could say another word or Jack could change his mind, he brandished his staff. The panic that filled him was all-consuming. “How do I get out?” Jack cursed his idiocy, drew his staff close to his chest. He’d been so eager to know how to enter the lair that he didn’t know how to escape.

He let the staff fall to the ground as he frantically pressed his fingers against the bite. Nothing.

“There it is,” said Pitch, as Jack buried his head in his hands. “Now you are afraid.”

“Let me go,” said Jack, almost a sob.

“You leave when I say you can, Jack.”

So this was it, then. It had all been for nothing. The Nightmare King was going to kill him. 

Jack fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around himself, waiting. He felt something brush against his shoulder and then there was an impatient huffing. He opened his eyes to find the mare drawing close to him, nudging him. What was this? If the mare could sense his fear, wouldn’t she revel in it? It was almost as though she was trying to comfort Jack.

Suddenly he felt very weak. Darkness surrounded him and the truth fell from his mouth, unbidden. “I’m tired,” he said. “I’m so, so tired. I feel like I could sleep for a thousand years and never be rested.”

When the mare lay down beside Jack, something clicked. Wiping his eyes, he found that his fear had receded, had been replaced with something far more dangerous. He raised his head and saw Pitch staring down at him. He seemed so tall, so knowing and wise. Jack extended a cold hand and Pitch took it, firmly.

“Yes, Jack,” said the Nightmare King softly. "I know that feeling well."


	7. Chapter 7

Pitch helped Jack up, but he was still unsteady on his feet. He could barely open his eyes and he felt as though he was going to fall, but Pitch picked him up and put him over a shoulder. “You’ve utterly worn yourself out with your own emotions. Foolish boy. Now I do believe that you’re only twenty.”

“That’s an adult in the real world.”

“It’s a mere child in this world.”

Jack wondered how they were having a normal conversation under these circumstances. Admittedly, the way Pitch was holding him was rather clinical, merely to stop Jack from hurting himself, but still…

“How old are you?” asked Jack.

Pitch dropped him and for a horrified moment Jack thought he was going to hit the floor, but he was immediately cushioned. At first, he thought it might be a bed, but when he opened his eyes he saw that it was merely shadows, moulding to his form.

When Jack looked up to admonish Pitch for the scare, the Nightmare King was smiling. It wasn’t mocking, it was surprisingly kind, and Jack couldn’t help but smile back.

“Soft,” he said, reaching out to touch the tendrils of shadows. One curled around his wrist.

“They can be,” murmured Pitch. 

“What happened to the nightmare?”

“She lost interest. They are easily bored.”

“Oh. I thought she liked me.”

“She did. They are fickle, like people.” 

“Like children,” said Jack, the words surprising him. They seemed to have come from nowhere.

“Children especially,” agreed Pitch.

Of course, Pitch would be cynical of the world. Or, he was referring to someone in particular. Jack wanted to ask, but he decided not to. Not when things were going smoothly, when he could finally relax.

He stretched out on his bed of shadows.

Pitch laughed quietly. It was so different from that bitter laughter Jack had heard when he had first descended into the lair.

“Comfortable, is it?”

“Very.”

“Show me what you can do.”

Jack’s eyes fluttered back open. Despite the vagueness of the comment, he knew exactly what Pitch meant. He sat up and searched for his staff on the ground, only for Pitch to hand it straight to him.

Well, time to show off. Jack froze the shadows underneath him entirely, solidifying them, halting them in their smoke-like movement. It was a party trick and didn’t demonstrate his true power, but there wasn’t much Jack could do down here to impress. He jumped off the makeshift bed, the act rejuvenating him.

“Incredible,” said Pitch, not a touch of irony in his voice. He ran his hand over the hard frost.

“If we left here, I could show you a few things far more extraordinary.” But even as he said it, Jack hoped that Pitch would shoot down the idea. He wanted to stay in the darkness, he was growing accustomed to it.

Pitch didn't respond.

The stall in conversation rattled Jack, as did the realisation that his body was adapting to being underground. He was made for the outside, for the stern wind, for the fresh air, for the snow that he wielded around him. He'd never thought of it before, but what if just being in the lair, being with the Nightmare King, was changing him physically? He knew that mentally, he was changed. He was dealing with that as best as he could. But his form, his body - that was something that could not be compromised.

"I should probably go," he said quickly. He couldn't stand the sudden silence, the feeling of not knowing what to do, not knowing what would happen. And yes, there was a part of him that wanted to show he wasn't utterly desperate for company, that he had pride. This was especially important now that he had shown such weakness.

He secretly wished that Pitch would look disappointed, would even ask him to stay, but of course this didn't happen.

"I'll see you," said Pitch, the words almost deliberately casual, as though he had more to say but would not allow himself to say it. His eyes were full of secrets.

Jack hesitated. Only a few anxious minutes ago, he had been desperately trying to find a way to escape, he had thought that he was doomed. Pitch had told Jack that he could only leave with permission, and now he was acting as though he couldn't care less. 

"I... I still don't know how to leave."

The last word was barely out before he was engulfed in darkness. He was deposited back onto the ground and he expected to be in the forest, like before. But no, this was somewhere different. Where on earth had Pitch sent him?

He grabbed his staff and stood up, further puzzled by his surroundings. He was in a glassy clearing with tunnels on either side. It felt familiar, like something important had once happened here, but he couldn't remember what. Like in Antarctica, the sense that memories were coming back to him filled his insides and made his head spin. If he thought deeply, in just the right way, perhaps it would come to him. If he could just - 

"Jack?"

He couldn't believe it. Was this a trick, a test? Not for the first time, Jack questioned his actions, wished that he could press some magic button and go back in time to when he had made his decision. He could have gone on the way that he had forever, in blissful ignorance. He wouldn't have questioned the Guardians, nor the Man in the Moon. He would trust them and block out any errant ideas that he was being lied to, that anything was wrong.

He could do this, he had to. Even though lying to the people he loved the most in the world was killing him, he wasn't ready to stop playing this game. One whisper of what had happened, and his guardians would protect him, smother him. Who knew what they would do to the Nightmare King?

So Jack waved in greeting, as though nothing untoward had happened at all, as if he had come riding in with his staff rather than in a blur of shadows.

"Hey, Bunny," he said, forcing a smile on his face, trying to stop himself from shaking like leaf. "How are things with you?"


	8. Chapter 8

Jack stood in the clearing, face to face with Bunny, waiting for a response to his casual question. Bunny’s expression was inscrutable and Jack couldn’t tell if him arriving in such an unusual way had been noted. So, Jack held his ground. He didn’t allow the smile to fall from his face.

“Alright, mate?” said Bunny. Answering a question with a question was one of his specialities.

“Yeah, of course,” said Jack.

“How did you find this place?”

“Ah, I found it ages ago.” He hoped that his bluffing would pay off.

A spark of worry lit up in Bunny’s eyes. “Oh yeah?”

Jack had hit a brick wall all too soon. Time to change to a different tactic. “I feel like something important happened here,” he said. “And I’ve got to say, I’m a little offended. This is actually your place, isn’t it? And I didn’t even know. I’d come here before and you weren’t there. It’s only by chance that I discovered this.”

“A guy’s gotta have a few secrets.” Bunny frowned. “But, you came completely out of nowhere, and like a bloody boomerang.”

“If I were a boomerang, I would have bounced back by now.”

“I would’ve seen you flying down on your staff.”

“Well, you didn’t, did you? You were too busy – ” Jack paused, noting the paint on Bunny’s right paw. “Um… what were you doing?”

“I’ll show ya, mate,” said Bunny, looking very pleased with himself indeed.

Jack followed Bunny to a small brook, and exclaimed at what he saw there. The water was imbued with rainbow colours and there was a selection of multicoloured eggs at the edge.

“Can I put my hand it in, or will I pollute it?” asked Jack.

“Go ahead, but it’ll last. You won’t be able to get rid of it for weeks.”

Jack dipped his hand in and stirred. “I can’t believe you’ve never shown me this before.”

Bunny’s ears dropped. He was an even worse liar than Tooth. He probably never showed Jack this place because he thought it might incite a flashback.

Jack focussed with all his might, but nothing was coming back to him. He sighed and wondered why Pitch had sent him here. He’d done Jack an unintentional favour actually, because putting off seeing Bunny made him feel horrible. Perhaps Pitch was laying a trap, seeing if Jack would give up the information. But no, the Nightmare King would then be assaulted by the Guardians. In that case, it was a mere reminder that Pitch was not Jack’s friend, and that he was inclined towards manipulative tricks.

“You’re pensive, mate. Something bugging you?”

“It’s nothing.” How he hated lying to Bunny. It wasn’t quite as bad as deceiving Tooth, though. 

When he raised his head, Bunny’s eyes were wide. “What on earth is that?” he demanded.

For a horrified moment, Jack thought that his hoodie had slipped down and revealed his bite. But he followed Bunny’s gaze, and looked down at his wrists. On each one, where the skin stretched the thinnest, were dark scars, almost like bracelets. Or handcuffs.

“I don’t know,” said Jack, unable to tear his eyes away from his wrists. “Bunny, you’ve got to believe me. I have no idea where these came from.”

“Jack,” said Bunny. It was not a good sign when Bunny used his name. “What have you done?”

The guilt was overwhelming, filling him from the inside out. “Don’t tell the others. Please, Bunny.”

Bunny nodded. “I won’t, unless you’re in enough danger that we need them.” He shook his head. “Please tell me that you didn’t meet the Nightmare King.” Jack couldn’t reply. “Did he come to you, or did you go to him?”

Jack’s contriteness switched to rage. “If you all hadn’t kept everything a secret for my entire life, maybe I wouldn’t have had to!”

He expected a firing from Bunny over this, but that wasn’t what happened. Bunny was quiet for a few minutes, Jack counting down every agonising second.

“You’re right,” said Bunny eventually. “We shouldn’t have. But you could have come to me, Jack. You didn’t have to go to him.”

“He hasn’t done anything to hurt me.”

“Look at your wrists again.”

“But they don’t hurt, Bunny. Honestly, he’s not done anything wrong. He didn’t even want to tell me the truth about anything, but I kept pushing him, kept going back.”

“So he’s already brainwashed you.”

“I can’t have this conversation with you right now. I won’t. I’m not in trouble, I swear. And I’m twenty now, you can’t baby me forever.”

“You know what he did, what he tried to do.”

“You can’t stop me from seeing him. And besides, he, he… sent me to you. Just now.”

“I see. You really did come out of nowhere. I’m not going mad, after all.” Bunny tugged one of his own long ears. “Whatever I say, you’re going to go back to him. Is that what this is?”

Jack nodded.

“The next time you go to him, I will be coming with you.”

“You can’t do that.”

Bunny appeared to be in physical pain while he said, “If you don’t allow me to, I will tell the others.”

Jack’s eyes filled with tears, which he brushed away hurriedly. “You’re blackmailing me.”

“To keep you safe. To keep you out of harm. That’s my job, Jack. I made a promise and I never regretted it. I have a duty to you. In fact, we all do.”

This time, Jack couldn’t stop the tears running down his cheeks. He thought about everything his guardians must have sacrificed to keep him safe, to protect him. The conflicting feelings he felt towards what they had done became more and more perplexing as time went on.

Bunny’s silence was expectant, gently requesting a reply.

Jack held his breath and made a choice.


	9. Chapter 9

Jack laid down, curled in a ball, on the icy lake. He imagined breaking it with his staff and falling in, which seemed to stimulate another memory, but it was so painful that he could barely move. Everything hurt. Perhaps everything would always hurt. Hadn’t he brought all of this upon himself, after all?

When the shadow fell upon him, he couldn’t care less. He didn’t move a muscle.

“Jack,” said the Nightmare King. “What happened to you?” His voice was neutral, but there was a strain of anxiety behind it. Of course, Jack might just be imagining that.

“If you thought about it for even a moment, you’d figure it out,” he shot back. “Or at least, you’d come up with a number of different scenarios and one of them would be close to the truth. You sent me there.”

“I don’t understand.”

And it sounded as though he really didn’t.

“The shadows. When you expelled me from your lair. Where you made me go.”

“You should have gone to the place you wanted to go. I didn't have control over that.”

Which meant that, subconsciously, he had wanted to go straight to Bunny. Or else Pitch was lying, but there didn't seem much reason for him to.

Jack had been down so long that when he moved his limbs ached, but he sat up quickly nonetheless. Pitch loomed over him, appearing genuinely perplexed.

“What happened to you?” he repeated. “You look awful.”

“I saw Bunny. That’s where the shadows sent me, to his place. As in his territory, which I’d never been to before.”

“So you told the rabbit everything,” said Pitch. “I expected you’d tell a Guardian at some point. Funny, no one’s come after me as yet.”

“I don’t understand. You’ve always seemed so unbothered about whether I disclose anything to them or not.”

“There isn’t much they can do to me. They’ve taken everything.”

The words took Jack’s breath away. How easy it was to see things from the Nightmare King’s perspective, to villainise his own guardians, but Jack knew it wasn’t that simple. What Pitch had tried to do was terrible, but it was out of desperation, too. If Pitch was the embodiment of fear, then was he capable of using anything else to be believed in?

“Tell me more. Was the rabbit annoyed with you?”

Pitch repeatedly calling Bunny ‘the rabbit’ would have been funny under different circumstances, but under these, it was just annoying.

“No. He forced me to make a choice, and I think I made the wrong one.”

Pitch didn’t push it. “I see,” was all he said about the matter, pushing it to one side. “Are you going to get up now?”

“I can’t.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I really can’t. Everything hurts.”

“You’re not going to feel any better here. I suppose it’s cold, but… such a barren environment. You will come back to my lair with me.”

Jack held out his wrists. “Did you do this to me?”

Pitch got down on his knees before Jack. Normally, the Nightmare King had all the power in the room, drifting away and drifting back, so Jack had never noticed quite how tall the older spirit was. Even knelt down, he towered over Jack.

He took both of Jack’s wrists in his grey hands.

“I don’t know,” he admitted.

“Should I believe you?”

“That’s up to you. I don’t exactly expect you to take everything I say as gospel, though you seemed eager to at one point. But I… I wouldn’t mark you like that.”

Jack pulled back his hoodie to reveal the bite.

Pitch scowled. “That wasn’t an attempt to mark you. That was my own anger getting the better of me and yes, I shouldn’t have done that.”

Jack sat back, smiling, and Pitch’s face fell further as though he could read Jack's thoughts. Or maybe he merely accepted that this was long overdue.

“I apologise,” said Pitch, sounding like he meant the opposite, but it was enough.

“I accept your apology,” replied Jack smugly.

“The expression on your face makes me want to slap you, but you’d probably make me apologise for that as well.”

Jack laughed. He couldn’t believe that Pitch was still on the ice, so close to him.

“My lair, then?”

“I want to.”

“What’s stopping you? Is it the rabbit?”

“I need to know where these marks came from exactly, and it must have happened in your lair.”

“You’re not harmed, though. You can come and think about it in my lair.”

“I’m not seeing the logic there.” Then, something struck Jack. “Are you… cold?” He supressed a laugh. “Is that why you’re so keen for us to go back to your lair?”

Pitch stayed silent, surprising Jack. He had expected the answer to be fierce denial. Before anything else could be said, Pitch reached over and pressed his hand against the bite. “Does it hurt?” he asked.

“Not so much anymore,” said Jack. Pitch’s fingers were sensitive, measuring. They were also trembling.

“Oh wow, you are cold. You’re shivering.”

Pitch withdrew his hand. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about it. Everyone gets cold. Well, except me.”

“I’m not cold,” snapped Pitch.

“Then why – ”

“You really are a child.”

Jack didn’t want a repeat of the conversation they had had last time. Pitch knew full well that Jack was twenty, but then Pitch had also known an incarnation of him that was three-hundred. And surely, the two Jacks were very different.

Or were they? Weren’t their cores the same?

Jack felt the shadows engulf him. He thought about Bunny. Certainly, North, Sandy and Tooth would hear about this soon. He didn’t have very long to prepare himself. He could still take it back, take it all back. Everything could go back to normal. He could stop hurting his guardians, the only ones that had ever loved and cherished him.  


He imagined the look on Tooth’s face when Bunny told her. That was the worst image. He hated the thought of disappointment painting North’s, or saddened resignation on Sandy’s, but Tooth’s…

He floated down slowly, landing on his feet in the lair. Something had changed. Pitch was standing before him, a certain look in his eyes, as though he understood everything that had transpired. As though he just knew.

“Welcome home, Jack,” he said.


	10. Chapter 10

Jack was losing track of the time. The shadows seemed to have lulled him and at first, he did little but rest. There was a bed now, which Jack presumed had been specially created by Pitch for this purpose. He wasn’t complaining.

This lasted a couple of days. When he got up, fully rested, Pitch was before him immediately. “Well, shall we begin?”

Jack thought for a long time, trying to deduce the meaning. He was still groggy.

“Your memories,” continued Pitch. “You want them back, do you not? Was that not our deal?”

Jack had practically forgotten the deal, such has been the intensity of the past month’s events. “Yes,” he said, but now he was afraid. He’d sought out Pitch for understanding, the first time, for acknowledgement that he wasn’t alone. He’d kept coming back for his memories. But now, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to have them back. He was frightened about how they would change him, how it would change how he viewed his guardians - and yes, how he saw the Nightmare King.

He couldn't refuse. He imagined Pitch's reaction, him looking down upon Jack, questioning why he was there in the first place. Or worse, saying it out loud.

“Yes,” said Jack finally.

“There’s something there, buried. Something painful, I suspect. I told you before that there must be a reason why the Guardians locked your memories away.”

Jack’s heart ached. His guardians. How was it that he hadn’t even thought about him once since he had descended into Pitch’s lair? Was it the darkness, the shadows?

“They didn’t come, did they?”

“Of course not. If they’d come, they would have taken you.”

“You could’ve hidden me away.”

The moment the words left his lips, Jack was embarrassed. He looked up at Pitch, whose expression hadn’t changed.

“That’s exactly what I would do if they came. But I am no match for all four Guardians, so it would be merely delaying the inevitable.” Pitch drew closer, so close that Jack had to tilt his head up painfully to meet his gaze. “But isn’t there a part of you that wants them to come, Jack? That wants them to come and rescue you from the dreadful Nightmare King?”

Jack’s heart was racing. His mouth was dry.

“Or is it that you want me to hide you away, to keep you here forever?”

“I don’t want to be taken away from here. I don’t need to be rescued. But I can’t stay here always. It would destroy me, not being able to go outside.”

“I know that. You wouldn’t have to be down here all the time. You would just have to return, the same way you have been doing already.” Pitch sighed. “I understand that you need time to think about this. When you get your memories back…”

“If I get my memories back.”

“If,” agreed Pitch. “Then perhaps you will consider my offer?”

Jack already wanted to accept, but that was ridiculous. Still… if he could still have his life on the outside, with only the promise that he would continue to return to Pitch, was it really something that he was against?

"But what about the other side of the deal? You were too vague and you didn't agree to this out of the kindness of your heart. You only wanted my powers, which you can't take by force. "

"I will fulfil my side of the bargain first. You're no use to me when your mind is in turmoil."

That hurt, but Jack should have expected it. Obviously Pitch wanted to keep Jack in his lair. How could he guarantee that Jack kept his word, otherwise? 

“Let’s begin," said Jack.

And it started off slow.

And then it became fast.

And Jack started remembering.

Pitch started it like a casual conversation. But the reality was, Pitch didn’t entirely know the first part of the story, when Jack met the Guardians. He wasn’t there. So it began at the Tooth Palace.

It made Jack’s head hurt and he had to lie down again.

“Whatever it takes,” he said, when he saw the concern on Pitch’s face. “Little by little.”

For once, Pitch was by his bedside.

Jack closed his eyes and it started to come back. It was dreamlike, shrouded in mist, but he was seeing all of it, hearing every word. It exhausted him. His body was fighting back against the return of the memories.

When it was done and he felt less nauseous, he got up again.

Pitch was waiting for him down the dark corridor, arms crossed.

“Whoever sealed my memories doesn’t want me to regain them.”

No reply. Pitch was looking at him as though he’d sprouted another head. Then, the expression turned to fury.

“Can you not see it?” he demanded.

Jack glanced at the air above his head. Strands of golden sand were filling the air, like the symbols above Sandy’s head when he tried to communicate.

Of course, he’d known that one of his guardians had done it, but he had not wanted to think about which one. For some reason, Sandy had seemed like the least likely candidate. He was so benign, so harmless. Not that the others were threatening, but still...

“I didn’t know he could do that,” whispered Jack.

“Neither did I.” Pitch hesitated. “I think we venture closer to the bomb, the offending memory. When it detonates, it might destroy you.”

Funny, that was what Jack had thought could happen when he visited the Nightmare King the first time. He’d taken the risk, and no longer regretted his actions. Well, not all of them.

“I want to see Sandy before we continue,” said Jack, watching closely for Pitch’s reaction.

“Very well.”

Pitch raised his hand, causing a small hole in the cavern to appear. 

“I’ll let you go, for now.” There was a promise in those words, and it made Jack feel strange, not an unpleasant feeling but a confusing one. He had no time to analyse it. Did he imagine Pitch's eyes narrow, that he didn't want Jack to leave? No, he couldn't dwell on this now.

He grabbed his staff and flew up through the hole, into the forest of old. 

Where would Sandy be? Most likely at North’s. Or, North could summon him.

He floated on the wind, and nearly fell when he started to remember. Trying to break into North’s place, being thrown out by the yetis time and time again. He’d given up. Then, one strange day, he’d been bundled away in a red sack and forcibly brought there.

The revelation that came next sent him spinning down, hitting the ground. 

A Guardian. He’d been chosen by the Man in the Moon to become a Guardian.

And he’d turned it down.

No, how could that be possible? Somehow, these little snippets were frustrating him even more than not knowing anything at all. So he focussed on one of the first things that Pitch had told him, that he was actually three-hundred at the time everything happened, that he was three-hundred-and-twenty now.

If he’d never met his guardians during those centuries, what on earth had he been doing all that time? The thought of it made his body fill with crushing loneliness. That was coming back, too.

When he got to North's place, the yetis allowed him in grudgingly. He’d never understood why they didn’t like him before, but now it was clear. He had tried to bust through their defences many a time. An unpleasant thought came to him then. Why wouldn't they allow him in? He might not have been offered guardianship at that time, but he was a fellow spirit. Was it their natural reaction to keep Jack out, knowing he was a troublemaker, or was it at North's orders? 

Perhaps he had been of no importance to the Guardians at that time. Perhaps he'd only been taken into account when the Man in the Moon said so. In other words, he might never had been welcomed if he had not been chosen. He'd been ignored for so long, by those who knew the price of not being believed in.

He hated himself for thinking of them as the Guardians, not his guardians. Pitch's influence was clear. Yet, the thought that he had been deliberately left out all this time... yes, the taste of that was very bitter.

North was there, as though waiting for Jack, as though he knew that he was coming today. Or, North had been continuously waiting since he heard the news from Bunny.

He appeared mournful, but he forced a smile, and that was horrendous in itself. North never had to pretend to be happy, he always was. His demeanour was naturally warm.

Jack steeled himself, trying to put aside his feelings. Three Guardians down, one to go.

And the fourth would be the hardest.


	11. Chapter 11

Jack gazed around the room as the memories overwhelmed him again. Turning down guardianship, here. Unbelievable. And what was worse was that Bunny didn’t even want him to be there! Even North, Tooth and Sandy were only going along with it because of the Man in the Moon. 

North always greeted Jack with a back-breaking hug and a kiss on both cheeks, but now his hands were at his side and there was great sadness in his eyes.

“Where have you been, Jack?” asked North. “With Pitch?”

Jack nodded and he didn’t feel a hint of shame. Not anymore, not now he knew that he had never actually been wanted.

“I'm here to find Sandy,” said Jack, his voice cold. “I want to know why he sealed away my memories.”

His words felt strange, rehearsed. They didn’t sound like him.

And if he was honest, he was struggling to focus his mind. What on earth was the difference between ‘the offer’ Pitch had made him and ‘the deal’ that they had made together? His mind was spinning. 

Regardless, as he saw North’s expression change, he wondered again if he wanted to know the truth.

“We protect you, Jack. We did it for you. Why go to Pitch?”

“Because I knew you’d only say that.”

A silence fell, but it didn’t last long.

When Jack turned around at the noise, he saw Bunny, coming out of his hole. Tooth appeared a moment later. Jack had expected her to overwhelm him with a hug, but she hovered a metre in front. It took Jack far too long to realise that Tooth knew about Pitch, and probably now considered Jack a threat, Pitch's puppet.

And after what Pitch had said about Tooth's past feelings... No, that was something Jack didn't want to think about.

Jack hadn’t even known that North’s signal could work quite that quickly, and he felt claustrophobic as he was slowly surrounded.

Golden sand filled the air and Sandy appeared.

Jack swallowed hard. He could have maybe handled North, defended himself and his character, but there was nothing he could say in the face of all four of his guardians.

And then, everyone started talking. Except, of course, Sandy – the only one Jack actually wanted to hear.

Jack could barely hear a word from anyone. There was screaming in his ears and all he wanted to do was leave, not deal with this smothering love that he had always tolerated, no, appreciated. He knew that he was being selfish, but there was a part of his mind that told him he deserved to be. He’d spent the last two decades trusting his guardians, the Guardians, without question. Believing that they had found him as a baby, not known him as an adult.

While he was swimming in his thoughts, Bunny patted Jack's head.

“Mate,” he said. “He’s not done anything to you, has he? Told you things?”

Jack felt guilty remembering the last conversation he had had with Bunny, how he'd run away. How he'd basically chosen Pitch through his silence.

“Told you lies,” continued Tooth.

“No. He’s not demonised any of you, or told me not to trust you. He actually said there was probably a good reason why you sealed my memories away.”

He may as well have gone around in a circle and punched every single one of them in the chests. They all seemed to withdraw, pain stretched on their faces.

“You can’t go on keeping me in the dark. It’s not fair.”

“It certainly isn’t, Jack.”

The voice was soft, amused. It was the tone Pitch had used when Jack first dropped into his lair, though minus the bitterness. Jack wondered if the shock of having a few of his memories back had addled him completely, if he was imagining Pitch at his side.

The Nightmare King, appearing to support him? Or just come to brag to the Guardians that in the end, Jack had come to him?

Bunny had his boomerang out, North brandished his swords. Tooth was on high alert and Sandy’s fists curled.

“Now, now,” said Pitch. “There’s no need for violence.”

“You should have had the good sense to stay away from him,” snapped Bunny.

“I think you’ll find that he came to me, rabbit.” Pitch turned to Sandy. “Anything to say, Sandman? After all, you’re the one who did the deed.”

“You need to leave, Pitch,” said Tooth.

“Or you’ll remove another one of my teeth, I suppose.”

Jack’s eyebrows shot up. He’d noticed the missing tooth, but he had never imagined that Tooth would do anything like that.

There was something deeply surreal about his guardians, him and Pitch being in the same room. Jack’s mind couldn’t cope with it. He imagined that the sight of everyone together was triggering something.

He groaned in pain and everyone turned to him.

Pitch laid a hand on Jack’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch him, you shadow-sneaking ratbag!”

"I see your insults haven't improved in twenty years."

Bunny’s voice had rung out angrily, but everything else was starting to fade.

Jack’s body convulsed as though he had been hit by lightning. He was succumbing to the void, even as he tried to fight against it. Through his blurred vision, he saw Sandy float across the room.

There was an apology in Sandy's eyes as the golden sand thickened and twisted.

When Jack had finally regained his senses, he could feel everyone watching him. He could barely speak, but he managed to get three words out.

“Who is Jamie?”


	12. Chapter 12

The loneliness that Jack felt had always run deep. His childhood with his guardians was a blur, but the pain had not come out of nowhere. The memories that assaulted him made him ache. His eyes filled with tears, even as he tried to fight them. That said, there was no one around to hear, and eventually he found himself wracked by sobs.

He stood on the icy lake, clutching his staff.

As he rubbed his eyes and prepared to face the world, something slammed into his head. He fell back onto the ice and looked up in disbelief.

Pitch was standing before him.

“Did you… just throw a snowball at me?”

No reaction. The Nightmare King was waiting expectantly.

“I’m not in the mood for playing,” Jack snapped.

“Shame,” drawled Pitch. “And I thought your centre was fun. You’ve disappointed me, Jack. I thought my technique was rather accomplished.”

Jack rubbed his scalp. “That was hard and big enough to kill a human.”

“I shall take that as a compliment.”

He knew that he was falling for the trick, but seeing Pitch’s smug expression did something to him. He held out his staff and unleashed his own power.

When he saw what he had done, he was torn between laughing and apologising more than sincerely.

Pitch’s arms had been crossed and they were now frozen together, preventing him from moving them back to their normal position.

“You little brat,” he hissed, but he didn’t appear particularly angry. Actually, there was a glint of amusement in his eyes.

Jack laughed until he was breathless, before noticing that Pitch hadn’t moved even an inch.

“Um… can you not break through it?”

“Apparently not. How long are you planning on leaving me like this? Is this revenge for me showing up at North’s place?”

Jack frowned. “I’m not angry about that. I don’t sense that your motivations were particularly admirable, though.”

“Of course they weren’t. However…” Jack could see that Pitch didn’t particularly want to expand on this, but he did. “I can assure you that I’m not coming here to make a point. I wanted to see you and check that you’re alright. At first, I decided that you needed your own space, but then I thought better of it. You’re probably used to being alone, unseen.”

“You’re so comforting.”

Pitch smiled so quickly that Jack wasn’t sure if he had imagined it. 

“You memories,” he said. 

“I still can’t remember properly. I swear I’m even more confused than before. There are specks here and there but they won’t fit together, and I still don’t know who Jamie is. I think I can see him in my mind, but he’s a child, so I can’t have met him. I turned down guardianship after all.”

“At first. But then you accepted it.”

“I still don’t know what happened afterwards. And I don’t want to.”

The ice binding Pitch’s arms started to crack. His eyes closed in apparent concentration, as he tried to free his hands.

“That’s a big decision, Jack.”

“I don’t want my memories, Pitch.” Had he even said the Nightmare King’s name out loud before? He must have, maybe when they first met. It changed how he saw the being in front of him. Jack had never thought about how powerful one’s name was. “I don’t want them, and I want to stay with you. Neither of us would ever have to be alone again.”

“But you’re not alone, Jack. Not the way I am. And for all you say now, I don’t know if you’d last much time with me.”

“What do you want me to do for you? You wanted my powers. You said so.”

“I don’t need anything else from you. We had a deal that I cannot keep. I can’t help you regain all your memories.”

That was really not the way Jack remembered the deal being, but he was even starting to doubt his more recent memories.

“You said you’d tell me everything you know.”

“And it hasn't worked so far, has it? Everything is incomplete. It’s still – I can’t believe this is the second time you’ve lost your memories.”

“The second time?”

“The time before you became Jack Frost.”

“I wasn’t anything before I was Jack Frost.” He steeled himself. “Oh, you’re not serious.”

“Exactly. Are you really going to fall at the first hurdle?"

Pitch sank his teeth deep into the ice binding him and growled in pain. There was something cruelly satisfying seeing him in this predicament, and the thought disturbed Jack. 

“You’re really not going to help me with this? You… I think you’re changing, Jack.”

Jack thought again about how being in Pitch's lair had made him feel different, but he brushed the thought off.

“I have what look like handcuffs on my wrists,” shot back Jack. “At least yours isn’t permanent. Ice melts.”

“Not quickly enough. Come on, Jack.”

“I can’t just make it disappear.”

“You control that very element, but you can’t rid of a block of ice?”

“I can create snow and control it to an extent, but…”

“I suppose you’ve only had twenty years to get used to them. It took me far, far longer to master my shadows. Of course, I wonder why your skills from the three-hundred years before haven’t been carried over. Shame.”

“I guess I should go back and see if I can get anything else out of my guardians.”

He was being petulant. He had no intention of going back right now. He needed time.

Pitch made an affirmative sound, as he finally cracked through the ice. He shook his arms in a rather comical way, drops of water and kernels of ice flying about, and Jack suppressed his laugh.

“I’ll be seeing you then, Jack.” Again, there was that vaguely regretful look in the Nightmare King's eyes, like he didn't want to let Jack go.

But if Pitch wasn't going to say anything, Jack wasn't going to react to it. He still had his pride. “See you, Pitch.”

Jack flew into the air and went off blindly. He had no idea of where he should go.


	13. Chapter 13

Jack tried to hold it off for as long as possible, but it quickly became impossible. Even after Tooth’s reaction, Jack yearned for her motherly wisdom. It was like a physical need. Not helping the matter was that Baby Tooth appeared to be stalking him, showing up at random times, making squeaky noises that must have been in admonishment. He had apologised many times, somewhat insincerely, which Baby Tooth must have picked up on.

When he descended into the Tooth Palace, it was with apprehension. 

He found Tooth on the floor, her wings folded in. She was surrounded by fairies, who seemed to be trying to comfort her – in vain. At least she wasn’t crying, but that was the only thing Jack could hold onto.

“Tooth?” His voice echoed around the palace. “Are you OK?” Such a stupid question, but he didn’t know how else to approach this conversation.

She turned to him, pain in her eyes. “Oh, Jack. What have you done?”

Jack held his breath for a moment. He was struck dumb, unsure of what to say in the face of this.

Eventually, he came to a decision and responded to the question with a question. “Who is Jamie?”

Tooth sighed. “If I tell you, will you stop seeing Pitch?”

“No,” said Jack, not even having to think about it. “But that isn’t a good enough reason not to tell me. You all not telling me was the cause of all of this.”

“You know what he did.”

“But not everything that happened. You omitted to mention that I was right there at the Great Battle.”

After a prolonged silence, Tooth gave in. “Jamie was a child, the first child to believe in you.”

“The first… there were others, then?”

“A few others, and they passed the message on. They did believe in you, Jack. But then Jamie stopped believing.”

Jack’s chest began to hurt. He clutched it, frightened of the change in his body. He stood up immediately, but wobbled, and Tooth caught him.

“Don’t you understand why, now?” she cried out. “You were devastated, Jack. We didn’t know what to do. And we were absolutely certain that eventually you would go to Pitch, that he would take advantage of your situation. There were only so many months that we could bear seeing you like that.”

“Why did he stop believing?”

Tooth shook her head. “We still don’t know.”

A horrible thought occurred to Jack. No, it couldn’t be Pitch. When Jack had visited him the first time, he had still been under the impression that Jack was still a Guardian.

But still… How could he rule out the possibility?

"Where does Jamie live?" asked Jack.

"I wouldn't know, Jack. He was a child back then and it's been twenty years. He probably doesn't live there now."

"Please, Tooth. I might remember something."

"That's what I'm worried about. Jack, I can't see you like that again. I know that sounds selfish. But do you think you could bear it?"

"I'm going to find out somehow. You know that, don't you?"

So Tooth told him. "Please," she said. "Let me come."

"I have to do this on my own."

"Nonsense, Jack! If I'm going to be responsible for this, you must let me accompany you. It's the least I can do."

Jack hesitated. Was there really a good reason for him to go on his own, actually? What if all his memories came back and he was indeed transported back to the deep depression that his guardians had tried to rid him of?

He sighed. "You're right," he said.

Tooth looked relieved. "But not right now," she said. "You're going to sit down with me and I'm going to tell you everything. That way, if your memories come back, it may soften the blow. That's all I can hope for."

Jack's eyes lit up, at the same time as apprehension filled his insides. He had been fighting for this for what felt like so long, and now the possibility hung right in front of him.

"Please," he said, bracing himself. "I need to know."

"Remember," said Tooth. "I can only tell you everything that happened from the time I met you, and only the times I was present for. I can't tell fill in the missing spaces, or explain why Jamie stopped believing in you."

"I understand that. Just tell me what you know."

Tooth nodded and began to speak.


	14. Chapter 14

It was late at night and Jack was peering into a bedroom window. It wasn’t an unfamiliar experience. Normally, the sights he saw were innocent and heart-warming. A mother putting her child to bed, siblings playing. But of course, there had been times when he’d seen more intimate, more adult situations.

Thinking of that, Jack blushed. He had felt guilty and shamed when he came across those sights, especially the times when he was too engrossed to leave, to stop watching. The feeling he had when he couldn’t stop watching was akin to how he felt when Pitch had shivered.

But right now, that wasn’t important, because this was Jamie’s house.

Tooth had accompanied Jack the first time here, to make sure that he was safe, but he had come back this time on his own.

Jack could see an image of the boy now. Dark brown hair, a gap in his teeth, full of joy.

“Jack, I’m scared.”

But the voice that said these words in his head was female. The memories seemed to overlap. What was it Pitch had said, about having a life before? Did that make this his third life?  


No, he had to stop this. He was on a mission.

And the window was wide open.

Tooth had pointed out that when kids left the nest, their parents often converted their rooms to something else, but that wasn’t the case here. This was unmistakably a child’s room.

There was a stuffed bunny, which made Jack smile. God, if only kids knew what the real Easter Bunny looked like. That said, they’d probably be terrified.

He looked on the walls and drew a sharp intake of breath. Snowflakes everywhere, in great detail, in blues and icy whites. He frowned when he saw something peeking out under the mattress. He hesitated to pull it out – he’d grown wise to the behaviour of humans at this point, and their secrecy – but it was a sketchbook.

He opened in and stared down in awe. There was North, Bunny, Sandy, Tooth… and even him. Jamie was an incredible artist. Had he followed his passion, perhaps?

He jumped when shadows began to enter the room, darkening it further, tendrils writhing around at Jack’s feet. He wasn’t ready for this, but he had no choice.

Pitch was in the room, leaning against the wall. Suddenly, Jack could see the Nightmare King from the perspective of a child. A child sleeping dreamlessly before a shadowy figure entered through the window.

Jack turned to the final page of a sketchbook and saw a dark shadow, only barely detailed with the features of a man.

"Why are you in my domain, Jack? This is my territory, not yours. Go back to your ice and snow." His tone was neutral and Jack couldn't read anything from Pitch's expression.

Ignoring the initial question, Jack shot back, “What did you do to Jamie?”

The accusation sat between them, growing heavier as the silence continued. Even though Jack had already decided on Pitch's guilt the moment the Nightmare King slunk into the room as if he'd been there many times before, there was part of Jack that almost wanted Pitch to lie, to say that it wasn't him.

Pitch already looked bored of the topic. “Nothing terrible.”

“You made him stop believing in me.”

“I did.”

“How?”

“Now, Jack. You really lack imagination. The fact that I have to spell it out for you is… somewhat disappointing.” 

“It has something to do with nightmares. That you expect me to guess any more than that is just foolish.”

“Very well,” Pitch drawled, still coming across like he’d rather be talking about anything other than this. “I gave him nightmares about the Guardians. Yes, including you,” he said, when Jack turned to him with a questioning expression. “Every single night, until he began to see his encounters as twisted, as not quite right. It took a very long time. For the other children who were there, that night… it was easy. But he held on strong until he couldn’t anymore. Do you know what traumatic memories can do to a human, Jack?”

All Jack could do was shake his head.

“They take up the brain, causing so much agony that a human can block them out entirely.”

“He forgot that he met me?”

“Correct.”

“And the other children that night. They did, as well?” No response. Well, there didn’t need to be one. “So no one believed in me anymore. And it drove me mad. And my guardians repressed my memories, in effect doing the same thing that you did to Jamie.”

“I’m not sure that it’s appropriate to compare the two, when the Guardians did it to protect you. My motives were not so pure.”

“How could you not know what had happened when I entered your lair? You thought I was still a Guardian. You didn’t know about any of it.”

“No. I did not deign to see the results of my handiwork.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

Pitch glared.

“What? It is. To go to all that trouble, and not even find out the outcome? Why?” And now Pitch looked downright furious and the shadows surrounded Jack, one covering his mouth. As if that was going to stop him. He made as much noise as he possibly could, and then the shadow actually went into his mouth, silencing him entirely.

He gave Pitch the dirtiest look he could muster. He had been holding his staff and was about to put it to use, but Pitch wrenched it from his hands. For a moment, it looked like Pitch was about to break it, and the very thought made his stomach hurt more than he could imagine.

The effect was that his body went limp and he floated slowly downwards onto the ground. Apparently no longer seeing him as a threat, Pitch released him from the shadows.

When the thought occurred to Jack, he wanted to laugh. But he couldn’t think of why else Pitch wouldn’t want to disclose this information.

“You can’t be serious,” said Jack, mostly talking to himself at this point, partly only in relief that he was no longer gagged. “You didn’t really feel guilty?”

The shadows knocked Jack clean over and his head hit the wall. Pitch flung the staff back at Jack’s feet.

“Pitch – ”

But he was gone, as usual leaving more questions behind than answers.


	15. Chapter 15

If Jack felt over three-hundred, the months passing likely would not have bothered him so much. However, despite everything, he still felt like a youngster; he knew from his observation of humans that, for the young, a year could feel like ten. He had turned twenty-one, not that this meant anything anymore.

Sometimes, he thought he saw shadows and he chased them with all his might, but they never led anywhere and he was forced to admit defeat. The Nightmare King did not want to be found.

Jack missed him, something which he could not admit to his guardians. He had grown closer to all of them again which, if anything, should be a ringing endorsement for Pitch’s absence, but Jack couldn’t accept it.

He was sitting on the pavement outside of Jamie’s house when he saw it. A nightmare! He raced after the horse, heartened by the fact that she wasn’t disappearing, that he wasn’t just imagining her presence.

There were a couple of children walking down the street, and they appeared not to see the horse.

Jack flew through the air and landed down in front of the nightmare.

“Here, girl,” he said, holding a hand out. For a moment, there was calmness. He wasn’t going to leave the nightmare’s side until she led him to Pitch.

Then, without warning, the horse reared her legs. The first kick knocked Jack against the ground, stunning him more than hurting him. He held his hands out, and the nightmare kicked again. 

The blows were like burns against his tender flesh.

“No!” he shouted as he was slammed down again. “Stop…”

Then, desperate, “Pitch! Please, help me!”

Within seconds, the whinnying sound stopped, and he looked up to see the nightmare reduced to black sand, which floated back through the air to its master.

Jack couldn’t get up, nor could he speak another word at the sight.

Pitch reached down and picked Jack up. Instead of putting him over a shoulder as he had done before, he cradled Jack against his chest.

“You came,” whispered Jack.

“You called,” replied Pitch dryly. “I didn't know that any of my nightmares were running wild. Are you alright?”

“I don’t think I need to answer that question.” He was about to say that Pitch should know all too well what it was like to be attacked by a nightmare, but he caught himself before the words could come out. “You took your time.”

Pitch chuckled. "I came as soon as you asked me to. If I had sensed it when the nightmare attacked you, I would have been here before she could do any damage. You waited too long to call my name."

“Where have you been?” demanded Jack, having recovered enough at least to be annoyed by Pitch’s vanishing act. He considered pushing Pitch away and landing back on his feet, but he didn’t want to. Being pressed against Pitch’s chest was oddly comforting and he was in no mood to analyse it.

“You missed me,” said Pitch, wonder in his voice.

“Yes.”

“And I thought I was doing you a favour.”

“Yeah, I don’t buy that somehow. You’re not that selfless.”

“You know who you are talking to, do you not? That doesn’t pass for an insult.”

“It was merely meant to be a statement of fact.”

Jack pressed his face into Pitch’s chest.

“You’re freezing cold,” said Pitch.

“Drop me, then.” Which was a phenomenally stupid thing to say, and Jack was certain Pitch was going to do just that, but thankfully Pitch didn’t let go.

The clouds shifted and the full moon came into sight.

“I don’t think the Man in the Moon approves of any of this, somehow," said Jack.

“Forgive me if I do not care what the Man in the Moon thinks. The Guardians view me as a manipulative monster... well, I have nothing on him. The moon giveth, and the moon taketh away.”

Instead of asking what on earth Pitch was talking about, Jack stayed silent.

Then, an unfamiliar feeling begin to strike his skin.

Jack looked down at himself and saw something red soaking through his hoodie. He cried out, taking Pitch’s attention away from the Man in the Moon.

“Not possible,” the Nightmare King hissed. He gently placed Jack down on the floor.

“It’s blood,” said Jack. “I thought I couldn’t bleed. I thought none of us could.”

Every place that the nightmare had attacked came alive with pain.

Jack removed his hoodie, not being able to stand the way it was sticking to his skin with blood, and found bruises lining his chest.

His head began to hurt and he recalled how hard he had been bludgeoned in the temple.

He groped around the ground for his staff, his vision blurred. Pitch handed it to him quickly.

“I don’t know what to do,” said Pitch, genuine panic in his voice.

“It will heal,” replied Jack. “It has to.” 

But he continued to bleed.

“My guardians. Maybe they’ll know what to do.”

“Yes,” said Pitch, and that was when Jack began to panic in earnest. “I’ll take you there now. To North’s. Jack, don’t close your eyes.”

“Why not?”

There was pity in the Nightmare King’s eyes. Jack was in his arms again, Pitch clutching him closer than before.

“Because if you do,” he said slowly. “You might not be able to open them again.”


	16. Chapter 16

When Jack opened his eyes, he was surrounded by his guardians at North’s. The sight relieved him, but he was momentarily hurt that Pitch didn’t seem to be among them. Had the Nightmare King really just dropped him there, and left? But he was proven wrong quickly.

“What happened?” cried out Tooth. “What did you do to him, Pitch?”

“Nothing,” Jack said, his voice croaky, and he saw the relief in the faces of his guardians when they realised he was conscious. “He didn’t do anything to me. He saved me.”

“From what?” demanded Bunny.

“A nightmare,” said Pitch. “One that I had lost control over.”  


Jack expected a fight to ensue, but everyone fell silent for a time.

“I have never seen a spirit bleed,” said Tooth. “I… I don’t know what to do.”

“There is something I could do,” said Pitch slowly. Jack could hear his hesitation. There was a reason why Pitch had whisked him off to North’s, rather than immediately pursuing the option he was now suggesting. “But I doubt you would allow me to.”

No response. Panic was thick in the air.

“Pitch,” boomed North. “If there is no other way, if it will not hurt him – ”

“I would not hurt Jack.” He sounded genuinely offended by the idea, which heartened Jack even as he lay down with the pain.

“There isn’t enough time to debate this,” said Tooth. “Pitch… you have to save him. Do what you need to do.”

“If it’s the only way,” said Bunny, his voice cracking.

Sandy, as always, was silent – but Jack had no doubt that he had given his assent through his elaborate gestures in golden sand.

Black sand filled the air and Jack watched as the others stepped back.

“Jack,” said Pitch softly. “Look at me.”

Jack obeyed, and was immediately captured by golden eyes. Pitch put a firm hand on Jack’s chest and shadows began to curl around Jack’s body.

The wounds began to close.

“That’s enough,” said Bunny.

“It still hurts,” whispered Jack.

“I’m not done,” said Pitch. “The apparent healing is superficial. It’s not enough.”

Tooth gave a little cry. 

“That’s it,” hissed Pitch. “Get out of here, all of you! You can’t stand to see him in pain, and I can’t concentrate with you all here.”

To Jack’s shock, they all left without complaint.

“Unbelievable,” said Jack, nearly laughing, before his body bucked against the shadows. “They actually trust you with me. That's - ah! Pitch! I can’t…”

“It hurts?”

Jack’s eyes filled with tears.

“Would it help if I told you a story?”

“Y-yes.”

“Once upon a time, many years ago, there was a boy called Jack. He had a younger sister who he adored, and who adored him. His father died when he was young, but his mother did her best, and they were a happy family. Jack was a good boy, but he had a touch of mischief about him. He’d entertain the other children in the village with his stories and tricks.”

Jack held his breath.

“One day, Jack took his sister out on an adventure. It was winter and the lake near their house was frozen over completely. They went to have fun on the ice, but quickly became aware that the surface underneath him was not solid enough to hold their young bodies.”

“Pitch… how do you know this?”

“I was there that night,” said Pitch softly. “I felt your fear, and hers. So ferocious was the combination that I could not resist being dragged to its source.”

“What happened?”

“You saved your sister, but you could not save yourself. The ice cracked and you fell right in.”

“You watched that happen?”

Pitch sounded defensive, even though Jack had not meant his words in that way. “There was nothing I could do, Jack. I do not interfere in the business of mortals.”

“What happened after that?”

“Your sister left. I stayed. I could feel in my bones that something was going to happen. When night fell, the Man in the Moon came out and I watched as you became a spirit.”

“I didn’t see you there. Why didn’t you introduce yourself?”

“How was I supposed to know the strength you carried? You were merely a winter sprite. I figured you were too young to be of any use. You were barely an adult, really. Late teens, and with the mind of one. New-born, therefore lacking in the power that comes only from years of harnessing your skills.”

There was a heavy silence before Pitch spoke again. "Of course, I regretted it later. I should have spoken to you."

Jack didn't want to think about how things might have been different, so he brought Pitch back to the point. “How do you know about my life before then?”

“I sought out the knowledge. I followed your sister back to your house. I saw the door open and your mother embracing her, soothing the child until she told her what happened. I was… curious. I’d witnessed grief, certainly, but not long term. So I took an interest. I’d check in on your mother and sister, watch their interactions with each other and with the rest of the village. I heard them talk about you… Jack, I’m nearly done. You’re almost there, now. Hold on.”

Jack shuddered.

“Perhaps it’s best you forgot three hundred years of miserable loneliness, or even the period of time when you became a Guardian and everything that that entailed. You were loved as a human, Jack. And you’ve been loved as a spirit, by your guardians.”

It was the most perfect thing that anyone had ever said to Jack. He basked in the warmth of Pitch's words and felt his strength restored.

He opened his eyes and he smiled at Pitch. He reached out and Pitch took his hand, but the moment they touched he felt a chill surround them, something crackling from his fingers.

He watched with horror as ice travelled up Pitch’s arm. The Nightmare King closed his eyes and shuddered as the ice began to set in, frosting around his entire body, obscuring his robe and skin. The tendrils of shadows froze as well.

Pitch's eyes had closed. Jack grabbed hold of him, but he couldn't gain purchase over the ice and his hands merely slid over.

"Pitch," whimpered Jack. "Can you hear me?"

No response.

Tears flowed down Jack's cheeks. He took his staff and tried to break the ice, but it was no use, and if he hit too hard he'd only end up hurting Pitch.

He wanted to call out to his guardians, but he couldn't bring himself to speak. His mouth was dry.

He stood up on tiptoes and took Pitch's face in his hands. The ice was shallower here, barely a dusting over his features. Pitch seemed so much smaller now. It hadn't occurred to Jack before that the Nightmare King probably enlarged his natural height with his looming shadows.

Despite knowing the futility of his actions, Jack pressed his mouth against Pitch's.

The Man in the Moon was shining brightly through the window and Jack gave a silent prayer.


	17. Chapter 17

Jack could only keep his mouth against Pitch’s for so long. What was he doing? This wasn’t a fairy-tale; it wasn’t going to bring Pitch back. But there was something, no someone, that could. Jack remembered now being shoved into a sack and brought to this very place, where the slit in the wall revealed the Man in the Moon.

And the Man in the Moon was right there now, in the dark sky, watching.

‘Manny’ was what North called him, which had always confused Jack. It seemed a disrespectful moniker, but it also implied a friendship between the two. Pitch had made it clear that he hated the Man in the Moon, harbouring a great bitterness towards him, so why on earth would the lunar spirit save the Nightmare King now?

Jack’s only hope was that the Man in the Moon would listen to him. He hadn’t done anything wrong, after all. Or had he?

“Manny,” he said. “I know you don’t ever talk to me. You only talked to me properly once, and I still don’t understand why. But please… listen to me now. Please – ”

“Jack, shut up.”

He swung around, open-mouthed. The ice around Pitch was melting.

Jack was silent.

“Cat got your tongue?”

Pitch’s eyes were the same bright blue as Jack’s. His hair was white, his skin whiter. Only his robe remained the same black. When Pitch had broken through his icy prison completely, he looked down at his own hands.

“Wow,” said Jack. “You’re…” 

Beautiful, he thought. But surely that reflected a deep vanity, that he thought Pitch looked so good with Jack’s own colouring?

Pitch didn’t respond. His gaze was still held by his lily-white fingers. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then did it again.

Jack couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing. It was the relief that Pitch was OK, and everything else, combined into one.

“Jack,” said Pitch hoarsely. “Look at your own hands.”

Jack did, and gave an undignified squeak. They were smudged grey. He didn’t need a mirror to know that his hair was now black, his eyes golden, everything changed but his regular outfit.

Pitch voiced what Jack had been too afraid to. “You look beautiful,” he said quietly.

“That’s terribly vain,” shot back Jack, alleviating his own guilt. “I look good, because I look like you?”

“Just because you have my colouring, does not mean you look anything like me. Another physical transformation for you. As a human, you were brown-haired and brown-eyed.”

“None of that matters now.”

“I suppose it doesn’t.”

“You knew this would happen to me, didn’t you? And yet, you didn’t think you’d be affected?”

“Yes,” said Pitch, surprisingly shame-faced. “But it was the only way I knew how to help you.”

“We haven’t switched in every way, have we?”

“If you’re asking if you’re still a brat then yes, we probably haven't.”

“That isn’t what I’m asking.”

Pitch waved a hand and shadows licked at it. Jack raised his hand and produced frost.

“It doesn’t appear to be the case,” said Jack. 

Pitch nodded. “We still have our own Moon-given abilities.” The last few words were delivered with a sneer, and Pitch actually looked up at the Man in the Moon and glared. Jack rolled his eyes. As if that was going to help! Did Pitch want to make things worse for both of them?

That was when Jack’s guardians came back in.

“This,” said Pitch, clearly pre-empting the most likely response. “That was not supposed to happen.”

Jack cringed as everyone began to survey him closely.

“No kidding,” snapped Bunny.

Tooth, apparently not caring about the transformation at all, ran over and hugged Jack. “Oh, thank goodness you're alright.”

At this point, his guardians huddled around him. It was the expected – a ruffle on the head by Bunny, a back-breaking hug by North, and as for Sandy, his golden essence did the talking.

Jack sat up, then stood up with the assistance of a hand from Pitch.

They all turned to look up at the Man in the Moon.

“A trick,” said Pitch. “It has to be. I can’t stay like this. Jack cannot either.”

“Manny does not play tricks,” chastised North. “There must be reason.”

“He doesn’t, does he?” snarled Pitch. “You dare to say that to me?”

And for the first time, Jack realised that even the Nightmare King had a past. That he was not talking about not being believed in.

Regardless of any of this, the Man in the Moon held dominion over all. Pitch and North may have different views on how he operated, but he wouldn’t cause such a change for no reason.

“It’s up to Manny now,” said North, and the room fell silent for some time.

Jack locked eyes with Pitch. To Jack’s shock, Pitch offered a rather wan, but comforting smile. Jack pretended to nonchalantly smooth his now unruly hair, ignoring the blush that had scoured both cheeks. He felt strangely happy that he no longer had to choose between Pitch and his guardians; at least, for the time being, they weren't at each other's throats.

Of course, that was the least of his problems now.


	18. Chapter 18

Jack was waiting for the inevitable arguments to ensue when Pitch said, in no uncertain terms, that Jack was coming back with him. His explanation was simple – Jack’s guardians had proven already that they couldn’t do anything in these circumstances and Pitch had shown, despite some ill effects, that he was more than capable of protecting Jack.

“Fine,” said Tooth, surprising everyone. “But only if I come too.”

“As you wish,” Pitch had said.

Jack winced and remembered that the evidence of Pitch’s previous actions were still in his lair. Could he really not have got rid of the cages by this point? What were they for, decoration? Just one of the many times that Jack had to remind himself that Pitch was the Nightmare King and that he was expecting too much.

He couldn’t exactly take Pitch to one side and ask him to please remove them before Tooth accompanied them back.

Um, Pitch, can you get rid of the evidence that you tried to take over the world and failed? Yeah, maybe not.

Still, Tooth had noticed Jack’s expression.

“You don’t want me to come with you, Jack?” she asked softly, the hurt in her voice not disguised.

“It isn’t that! I just thought – maybe – it might bring back bad memories, that’s all…”

This caused another flurry of activity as further discussion began between Jack’s guardians.

To his credit, Pitch managed to keep his irritation under check.

“You may go back the two of you, for now,” said Tooth finally. "But you'll come back soon, won't you, Jack? As soon as you feel better, more like yourself."

"I promise," Jack said ardently, and meant it with all of his heart.

They all stood around for a long time after that, emotions running high, until Pitch touched Jack’s shoulder and they both disappeared into the shadows.

They were barely into the lair when Pitch gave an amused smirk.

“Tell me, Jack. Did I imagine you kissing me?”

Jack turned away immediately. His eyes were still a little teary from everything that had happened. Oh, how much he had been wishing that this wouldn’t come up...

“Fairy-tales aren’t real, you know,” Pitch continued. “It wouldn’t have made a difference.”

“I know that! I’m not stupid!”

“Then why?”

Well, fair enough. Jack had walked right into that one.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking straight.” Then, the truth. “I wanted to.” Which was around the time that something awful struck him. “Which, wow. I really shouldn’t have done. I mean, you weren’t even… you shouldn’t do that if someone isn’t…”

“A willing participant?”

Jack buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Pitch slowly prised the hands from Jack’s face. “You feel guilty?”

“Yes."

“Then try again.”

Jack lifted his head and looked Pitch in the eye, to assess whether he was joking or not. His expression was irritatingly impassive. Jack was about to open his mouth to explain that what Pitch had said literally made no sense, when he felt Pitch’s lips against his own. That shut him up, alright.

Pitch’s hand cupped Jack’s cheek and he nearly pulled away. Pitch’s touch burned for a few seconds, then relaxed into being uncomfortably warm, but bearable. The kiss was nothing more than a pressing of mouths, which Jack was grateful for, as he had no idea how to go about it. He supposed that he must have kissed a couple of girls in his youth, before he became what he was now, but he couldn’t remember any technique and Pitch hadn’t mentioned it in his little story, which was probably for the best.

Pitch pulled away from the kiss, but kept his face close to Jack’s.

One hand still cradled his face, and the other slipped underneath Jack’s hoodie. It stayed there, resting against his chest. Pitch was looking at him questioningly. 

“Yes,” whispered Jack. It didn’t last for all that long, Pitch’s hand caressing his skin. When he stopped, Jack’s eyes snapped open. “What – ?" 

Had he done something wrong?

Pitch gave him a teasing smile.

“Where’s the rush, dear Jack?”

Jack frowned. “You… you want to keep me here?”

Pitch sighed. “No. It was wrong of me to ever suggest that. I cannot take you away from the Guardians, but I am loathe to give you up myself either.”

“Now that we’re in these bodies, it’s probably not safe to stay completely apart always, anyway.”

“Hm, yes. That’s a good excuse.”

“My guardians will have to agree to that.”

“They love you so much that they’d probably agree to anything, as long as they genuinely felt it was not going to harm you. They will never trust me, and I will never trust them. That is something that we cannot change for your benefit, Jack. But some sort of truce, in the circumstances, may be beneficial to us all.”

“Blah blah blah,” said Jack before he could stop himself. “I get it! You have to justify it in a way that doesn't imply you have any emotions whatsoever. OK. That's your style.”

“Brat,” said Pitch, but the insult was half-hearted.

“Sure. But you still want me here, despite that.”

“I’m not known for my good judgement.”

Jack idly created frost, allowing it to settle in his palm. He gasped when he noticed that it was no longer entirely white. The tips were black.

Pitch seemed as taken aback as Jack. Hurriedly, he allowed a shadow to curl around his wrist. Jack watched too as the shadow seemed to freeze ever so slightly over.

“Looks like we’re stuck with each other regardless,” said Jack. “The Moon said so.” He wanted so much then to ask Pitch about his past. It was almost a physical need. But Jack knew now all about the power of memory, of the devastation it could hold, and besides, it was not necessary to raise it during a rare moment of peace…

Jack laughed softly and Pitch looked at him curiously, but did not comment.

Pitch was right. Where was the rush, for immortal spirits such as them?

~Fin~


End file.
